if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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