Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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