Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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