there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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