Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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