i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
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He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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