When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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