You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
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