i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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