lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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