i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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