New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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