Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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