If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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