it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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