matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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