My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize