i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize