I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize