So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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