I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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