I cannot find my penis.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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