I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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