Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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