new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize