Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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