I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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