please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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