Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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