i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
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purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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