Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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