I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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