I am midnight drunk by noon
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize