I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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