Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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