theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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