There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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