Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize