party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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