my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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