she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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