I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize