This dress was meant to end up on your floor
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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