Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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