I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize