i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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