Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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