well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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