i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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