I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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